We got in!

So God decided for us after all. And it will be CHIJ Toa Payoh for Caitlin.

I still have my doubts about it but it is really in His hands. We will just keep going on the path He has set and do the best we can along the way.

This morning, KH and I attended the balloting exercise. My first ever balloting exercise and I was curious to see how it would be conducted. We were early and could see other parents milling about outside the room. Among them, an old friend/colleague I had not seen in years! She was also trying for IJ TP for her daughter but because they lived in Yio Chu Kang, they were clearly out of the 2km. We exchanged notes and chatted for a while until it was time to troop in.

All the application slips were folded into quarters and slipped into a big glass bowl. There were 33 girls balloting for 18 places. So the chances were about 50-50. The atmosphere was tense as parents sat in rows and watched as the names of all the girls (and their application numbers) were called out.

We were number 137. My friend's daughter's number was 122.

The atmosphere was tense and no one spoke. You could cut the cool tense atmosphere with a knife cleanly! I never thought that I would be tense about it but I was! I, who had doubts about Caitlin attending IJ, had told myself and KH nonchalantly that it would not matter. We would attend out of curiosity but no biggie if she does not get in.

But who was I kidding? The competitive streak had come flaring out! We all wanted our girls in there and everyone stared daggers at the lady conducting the balloting.

After about five names, Cait's name was called! Jubilation! It reminded me of D&D lucky draws. I went to the front and picked another name out of the bowl - successful applicants got to pick the next one. I had mixed feelings - triumph, yes, but also the same niggling doubts and fears - would we be asking too much of Cait? Would it be too stressful for her? Could she fit in? Would she be happier with her classmates in Canossa? And at the same time, I felt bad going back to my seat next to my friend, whose daughter's name still had not been called. I felt bad for being happy that Cait was called.

There were still a couple more names to be called so we sat in silence wondering if her daughter's name would be next. But no, it was not to be.

It was awkward saying goodbye and leaving. I had gotten in and she had not. And I felt bad for it. I did not know what to say, fumbled about a bit and then said goodbye. While I wanted to plaster a big grin on my face, I felt it was in poor taste to do so. So I had to school my face to a sombre expression (did I ever tell you of my propensity to laugh at funerals? Well the urge to do so was happening again then!) and leave the room quickly.

I went home and told Cait. I think I was mean but I didn't say so directly, leaving the suspense hanging as well and finally, she looked at me tensely with those big eyes of hers and said: oh mummy, WHAT? Am I in the school or not? When I nodded, she burst into a big smile and clapped delightedly.

Oh we are celebrating tonight. This and also because it is KH's birthday today too. He said his birthday wish had come true.

Well, I hope the wish that comes true works out also best for Cait. Now this, is worth praying for.