Hitting a wall with Isaac

First it was Gillian who hit puberty and all the defiant angst that pre-pubes have. Now its the boy's turn.

Overnight, well over the holidays, I sense a change in Isaac. He no longer seems to be committed to doing his work, more inclined to be introspective and in a world of his own, and more secretive, more withdrawn.

A couple of weeks ago, in exasperation because he had not bathed in three days (yes you read that right! I was just as aghast when I realised it!), I hauled him to the bathroom and gave him a good scrubdown. In the process, I realised two things: one, he had underarm hair and two: his erm, sexual organs looked a lot more mature now!! I think that would be the last time I'd ever give my 10year-old son a scrubbing in the shower. I thought he looked rather embarrassed too. We've always been open with our bodies in our household - we don't think much of the kids being in the same room as we change after a shower etc, or being in the same bathroom when we shower while they use the toilet or vice versa. But now, I will be more careful about things like this.

I was just very taken aback at how fast he was maturing. I'd always pegged him as my little boy - and certainly, because he is small for his age and scrawny, it never occured to me that he was growing up on the quiet. With Gillian, who is a lot more vocal and dramatic, and bigger sized, this was clear. But not Isaac. And he is still only 10 for crying out loud!

Later on, I kept observing him and realised, from the finely etched shoulder blades, the trim shape of his arms - that he was no longer looking like a little boy. Quietly, without me noticing, he is shaping up to be a fine young man.

Geez! Where did the time go??

Emotionally too, I see changes. He is a lot more withdrawn, quieter with us. He is also, disturbingly, off his work. He had projects to finish for the school hols. I drew up a work schedule, nagged countless times, lectured etc - to no avail. I found myself on the Fri and Sat before school re-opened, at the PC at midnight frantically typing out snippets of Singapore's history for him to glue on his 'game board' - he had to create a board game out of Singapore's history before independence. (KH asked me the next morning how much of the work was mine and how much was his! Heh. I plead guilty to the parental crime of homework hijacking.)

The point is, he seems to require much much more pushing than before. He just looks like he is not interested in his work. I am worried because there is so much at stake. The Olympiad is coming up. And while he can do the work (we bought the Maths Olympiad book for him to try - at $44 a book, this is the most expensive 'assessment' book I've ever bought!), he does not seem inclined or interested to do this. We've had many 'chats' where I spelled out the pros/cons of not doing well especially since his Chinese still sucks. Nothing works. He just sits there and gives me a fish-eyed stare and punctuates his long silences with 'Um' and 'Er' - not particularly articulate as you can tell.

It has been very frustrating. And because he is so cryptic and non-communicative, it's hard to know what he is thinking or if I am getting through. His dad tried to talk to him - went for a walk round the neighbourhood one-to-one - and came back frustrated because (a) the guy didn't talk at all! and (b) refused to promise his dad that he would at least do his work. It ended with KH stalking into the bedroom and announcing that his son was spending the night outside the house! So much for father-son bonding.

I was concerned and went out to talk to him. But ended up frustrated too and keeping him outside! It stormed that night and I woke at 2am wondering if he was still outside. KH said Lolita had let him back in the house already early on and he was now sleeping on the sofa downstairs.

I just cannot figure him out. He is not openly defiant or rude. He does not talk back. He just seems very apathetic and aloof. I am worried. Don't know how to reach him. But also don't want the gap to get too wide if I let him be.

All the more also, that I am enjoying Owain and Trinity for now. Babies are so much less complicated than broody adolescents!