"This is not an emergency!"

I keep repeating this line over and over again in exasperation but it falls on deaf ears. My kids' deaf ears to be precise.

Since it is PSLE marking week, the tribe has stayed home from school. And because Gillian has no more school work, no more revision etc, with loads of time on her hands, she has been very restless. And infecting the younger ones with her restlessness. So I have been on the receiving end of countless phone calls on my cell phone for various inane reasons such as:

1) "Can we watch TV?"
In my house, I try (and I emphasise the word *try*) to limit TV times to a few hours in the day - usually one hour of sesame street in the morning, half an hour of Hi5 at noon and then the regular cartoon slots from 5pm to 6.30pm. Hmm, in retrospect this looks like a lot of TV!! Maybe its time to cut down - and drive my kids into a tv-less withdrawal frenzy. Not that they're not far from it already.

2) "Can we eat the box of stuff in the fridge?"
'Stuff' is usually defined as biscuits and chocs - usually the ones that KH and I buy for ourselves but never really get a chance to eat before its discovered and devoured by the hungry hordes.

3) "Can I eat your 'P'?"
Usually from Isaac. The 'P' is a slab of Belgian choc that KH brought home for me from Paris. He's always trying his luck and I always say no. The word 'no' has never deterred him from asking. Again and again.

4) "Can we watch the Japanese cartoons?"
This usually comes when I say no to tv time. They know I have a weakness for Japanese cartoons and I am trying to pep up interest in the coming Japan trip. So chances of me saying yes to this are considerably higher.

5) "Can I watch my Barbie DVD?"
Usually from Caitlin. I usually say no. DVDs only at the weekends. She does not get much support for this anyway from her sibs because they're sick of Barbie - Barbie swanlake, Barbie the ice princess, Barbie rapunzel etc. She's only missing the Island Barbie one - which she will probably get for Christmas. I never learn.

6) "Can Brian and Charmaine come over?"
Neighbours. I have issues with one of them. But the kids are a forgiving lot. So these days, I usually say yes if its 5pm or 6pm that the request comes in. Or depends on how I feel at the moment.

7) "Can we go to the playground?"
I usually say yes. With the proviso that the older kids bring the younger kids and looks out for them.

8) "Can we play Super Granny on the com?"
This depends. On whether they have done their work, are already on a ban but trying to be sneaky about it in the hope that I won't remember, and how long the computer has been on. I usually give my hissy spiel about saving the earth, saving electricity, saving money etc and not using the com for too long. But I usually give in - half an hour is the max!

9) "Mu-umm, XXX hit/kicked/punched me/pulled my hair/called me names/irritated me... all for no reason! I didn't do anything! Waa-aaah!"
All of them call me for this at some point or other. I hate playing remote referee.

10) "Trinny wants to talk to you.... (whispered loudly in the background) Say something Trinny... Trin say helloooo mummy! Hey mum, she REALLY said mama just now! Really!"
Of course I hear lots of movement, snuffling and heavy breathing but not much else. Trin has not called me 'mum' yet and I don't think I'm likely to hear this for the first time on the phone!

10) "Where are you? What are you doing? When are you coming home?"
Yes, they give me the third degree too.

And these phonecalls will keep coming in on my phone, throughout the day. To be fair, its not only Gillian who calls - they all do - 365 days of the year as long as I'm not home. I think this is how remote control mums function. It's not ideal though. And my phone bills have increased - enough to make contemplate upping my phone plan. I have stressed that calls should be kept to those of an urgent and emergency nature. I have diligently gone through the definition of 'Emergency' with them, ie:

Someone died
Someone is seriously injured
There is blood. A lot of blood.
The house is on fire
Lolita is tied up by bandits and can't get to a phone

Never worked. I've tried 'fining' them for every non-emergency phone call. Also never worked. (too much work for me to keep track!) Use my office phone at least, I begged. Never worked - they only know my cell number.

The "Call Daddy instead of Mummy" campaign also never worked. In the car at the end of the day, KH and I would trade notes with each other - did Kid #3 call about this? Did you give permission for Kid #2 to get on the com? And usually, daddy gets no calls. The only time daddy gets calls is when mummy says no. Then the discovery process goes like this:

"Did you give Kid#2 permission to play on the com?"

"Er... ya I think so. Why?"

"He's on a ban for flouting computer time rules! Didn't you know this?"

"Er I dunno... He called me in the middle of a meeting and I just said yes!"

He always says yes. He doesn't think before he says yes. They know this. Them wily ones know all the tricks in the book. They can't get past me though. I'm a lot sharper than KH and can sniff out a lie a mile off. KH is clueless and they know this. He's putty in their hands.

So I have been trying to get them to stop calling me unnecessarily. Until a line in a parenting magazine/newspaper caught my eye the other day. It said something like: Parents must keep the communication channels open and be ready to listen to their kids. Kids should not be afraid to call parents at work to discuss or share anything. To limit calls to only emergencies closes the communication channels. Something like that.

Made me stop and think for all of five minutes. Bah! The guy writing this does not have five children calling him day and night!

But the reporter is not wrong - if a mom is out of the house working, all the more important it is to keep in touch via the phone. Some diligent mums have video phones, video-conferencing set up on their office computers. I'm not one of them. Not that I don't want to talk to my kids. I just wish they weren't so prolific about calling! I could empower them of course - some people say how wonderful it is that the kids still call to get permission about everything - well, yes and no! Empowerment comes with trust. Unfortunately, I don't think kids, my kids at least, can be trusted to stick to any time allotted, say for TV or computer etc. So for now its still a double-edged sword - good that they call me to get my permission, but bad that they have to keep calling me for every other thing! There has to be a happy middle ground somewhere.

I don't have a solution to this at the moment. I'll think about it after I answer this call. Yes, the cell is ringing again. And yes, caller ID is flashing: "Home".