The Cops, the Plumber and the Husband...

...had a face off in the Riang corral last night. Neighbours peeked over fences surreptitiously. Or peered from their windows at the unfolding drama at the Riang corral last night.

Drama drama drama.

It started with a the gulley in the back wash area choking up and stinking up the house with the stench of bad drains, something long dead and decaying. Yeah, eeks...

So yours truly tried to help and decided to make a call to the plumber. Scanning the classified ads, it was a case of tikam-tikam or eeny-meeny-miney-mo as I looked for someone to call. I picked this innocuous ad that looked a tad more professionally done than others and which promised no obligation. It also stated they would come in half an hour etc.

First thing that struck me - the guy on the other end of the line sounded drunk (he was slurring or maybe I am being anal again). Second, he refused to give me his name and cross-examined me on my name, address etc without waiting to hear what my problem was. Third, he kept ignoring my requests for a verbal quote by rudely asking for my name etc. Finally, when pressed, he said it was free - they would just come and have a look. I double-checked and asked if they would charge for transport etc if they came and we decided not to do the job. He slurred that it was free, free, free lah! OK... Mr Slurry finally gave his name as Tay.

Now don't ask me WHY in heaven's name, if I felt so uneasy, that I said ok. As I went through the conversation, I had a premonition of disaster looming. But said ok I did and told the guy that I was leaving the house at 8pm (and I was - it was my night to watch the Amazing Race Asia!) and his man had to come before that.

KH came home and blanched when I told him what I had done. He sneered: they will want to do something and we will have to pay - mark my words! I was sniffy: well, they assured me they wouldn't.

Guess who had to eat her words?

8.15pm and a guy called - sounding more drunk and slurry than the guy on the line. Couldn't get head or tail out of him. That was the Plumber. Not a good sign.

8.40pm I called the hotline again and told Mr Slurry that I wanted to cancel. I had to leave and his man is nowhere in sight. He said I should have cancelled the appointment. My hackles raised, I told him that hello, I said before 8pm or forget it. Just then, like bad timing in a black comedy, a van pulls up.

Out steps Laurel and Hardy - one tall and thin and slurry. The other shorter and more coherent, dressed all in black.

KH was in a black mood by then and so was I. Showed the pair to the kitchen. KH went out back and told them in no uncertain terms: DO NOT DO ANYTHING.

The taller and thin old man whom I shall call The Plumber said:don't worry, just looking only. And KH shot back: if you want to look in a dirty drain, that's your business but DON'T DO ANYTHING.

Guy sticks a hand down the line and tells me - choked. Yes, I know, does not take rocket science to tell me that. Goes to the other opening, sticks a hand in there and says again: choked. And out runs a stream of cockroaches. (your hair standing yet?!) The atmosphere was heavy and I was very fed up so I took a newspaper and whacked all the six roaches dead. Made me feel a bit better.

Then the Plumber calls Mr Slurry on the phone. Came back with a quote of $220. I refused and told them to leave. They tried to bargain it down and did not want to leave. KH came back, yelled and waved his arms and told them to get out of our house. Incredibly, still did not want to leave. The Plumber kept (a) telling me to speak to his boss (b) lowering the price - it went from $220 to $180 to $150 to $130 and (3) asking me what my budget was. Play this loop in repeat mode for half an hour - yep, he kept standing in my kitchen refusing to leave and just kept on at it.

KH yelled and threatened to bodily evict him to no avail.

So we called the cops. KH took his tools and dumped them on the road outside the house. I walked to the front - realising that it would be just futile to engage in further debate. The Plumber followed me out - so that was a step in the right direction -out of my house I mean. Then the Plumber continued his loop-de-loop spiel and KH just stood there and asked him what was the company name, the address etc. To which the man refused to give and insisted that we will see the company name and address when a receipt is given after the job is done. And so on and so forth... Then he whined that he had travelled from Jurong (Not my problem when the number I called was in Toa Payoh and they had numbers for different districts in Singapore!) and had to answer to his boss, needed to eat, accused us of bullying the elderly etc. He threw in every argument he could think of! We just stood there and waited for the cops. No point talking.

Finally the cops came. Three of them - in multi-racial Singapore style - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese. Wonder if this is intentional - do we send our patrol officers in this racial configuration so that they would be ready to face off with any criminal of any race??

They too, stood outside alternately bargaining, coaxing, threatening, negotiating etc with the Plumber. The other short guy who came with the plumber had quietly fled. The cops looked the ad where I called. Talked to me, then talked to Mr Slurry on the phone, and tried to persuade the Plumber to leave. This went a couple of rounds. Each of them took turns to talk to the guy. And after a while, you could see that even the cops were frustrated.

Finally, they said that it might be simpler if we just paid the Plumber $20 to get him off our premises.

I baulked but KH was tired and by then, it was close to 10pm. So he paid $20 and when the cops asked the Plumber for a receipt, the guy claimed he didn't have one! Yeah right...

Finally the guy left, the cops left and KH was left to clear the chokage.

We left the porch light on and the back light on the whole night, and the phone off the hook. In case the &*$#&^% decided to come back and vandalise our house or try anything funny.

I am beginning to think that this sort of scam is really common - they say no obligation in their ads or over the phone. But when they show up, they give an exhorbitant quote for the job, then bargain the price down or in our case, just refuse to leave until we pay some 'transport' money or 'checking fee'.

To me, this is cheating plain and simple. I did ask the cops if I could charge them for trespassing when they didn't want to leave. Or what about cheating? False advertising? They cops advised me that there was nothing they could do and if I wanted to pursue it, it had to go through a civil action.

I suspect most people just let it go. But while I am not going to let it go entirely, there are a couple of things I can do - not legal action, but I do want answers and I want to create awareness. So let me mull on this...

Guess I owe KH 20 bucks... and I still need to find a reliable plumber who will repair my leaky tap, my cistern and shower.