Cait's commitment

Cait is going for extra gym practice on Sundays, having been identified by her coach and teachers as someone with 'potential' to do well in competitions. Next year would be the first year she can go for the nationals so this is the year to start preparing.

When Cait came home with the letter from her coach, I was in two minds over this. First thing that came to mind was: she's only 8. And she's already so busy. This extra gym practice will take away more of her personal time. The next question for me is: push or don't push? And is this more for her or for me?

We've had two or three long serious conversations about what this means. If she was serious about gym, she would have to work hard during training. This may mean she's extra tired or maybe sometimes, even incur some pain along the way. Training being on a Sunday evening means forgoing some family activities which she might enjoy. There is commitment and sacrifice to be made if she wants to pursue this seriously and she must be prepared to commit to this wholeheartedly. She cannot be half-hearted about this.

And then there is the issue of dance, which she loves equally as much. She learns fast and she is imbued with a natural grace and a strong sense of rhythm. In last year's year-end performance, she was among the three girls chosen to execute more complex moves than the others in the front and centre of the formation and according to her, it is the same again for this year's year-end dance performance. If she is shortlisted for dance, another core activity in IJ, what then? Might seem like I'm counting many unhatched chicks and being presumptuous. But I like to consider all possibilities and this one is very real. I've seen what she can do and each time KH and I see her dance, we're just bowled over. Where did all this come from? Not from us that's for sure! If we see this love and this talent, should we not as parents, support this, develop this?

But bottomline is, she can't have everything. Both gym and dance are core CCAs for the school and very demanding in their time and commitment. There is still academic work to consider too. While Cait is doing well in school so far, the work is still easy for now. What happens when the pressure builds in P4, P5 and P6?

So I outlined all this for her. She went away thinking about it. As recently as last night, I brought this up again. She said nothing but this morning when I came downstairs, she was poring over the gym form with her father and he was already signing his consent.

When I asked her in the car why she made this decision, she said simply: "I want to win. I want medals."

I can't describe how I felt. Cait is very different from her siblings in that she can be very ambitious and very driven. On one hand, I felt proud of her for knowing what she wants and being willing to work to get it. On the other hand, I wanted to protect her - from any disappointments that might come out of this. Does this mean I have no confidence in her to succeed? How disloyal is this lack of faith. Should I, as a parent, brush aside all my inner concerns and fears and just blindly believe too? Do I just egg her on in her self-belief and in her ambition? Or do I temper her ambition, water down her appetite for success?

It was on the tip of my tongue to say: "but you know, sometimes no matter how hard you try, how much you want it, you might still be disappointed because others might be better."

But caveats like this pour cold water and dilute the flip side of the equation, which is the belief that if you try your best, and you want it bad enough, you work damn hard for it, you will be rewarded for it. And this is the kind of fighting spirit we want to encourage in her which can only help her in her life.

KH is not very supportive either. He never was 100% in favour of Cait taking gym. And while he's proud of her, he would be happier to see her leaving gym and moving to dance. Likewise while he's chuffed to see her being recognised for her efforts, appointed leadership roles in class (believe it or not, terms like "subject reps", "class ex-co" roll effortlessly off her tongue these days), doing more in gym, ballet, dance etc, he's also pragmatic enough to worry about the impact that all this will have on her academic work. That, for him will always come first. While I am the first to applaud her achievements, push her and strategise with her, he views all this with some amusement and scepticism. He sees this as more of a 'pushy-mom' initiative than hers. But I disagree. I know how much Cait values approval, applause and accolades.

Maybe I find this all a bit scary - that I have this over-achiever of a child in my midst. Cait is moving so fast these days in a way that impresses and scares me. How to manage this?

I'm still thinking hard about this one.