Cait's commitment
Cait is going for extra gym practice on Sundays, having been identified by her coach and teachers as someone with 'potential' to do well in competitions. Next year would be the first year she can go for the nationals so this is the year to start preparing.
When Cait came home with the letter from her coach, I was in two minds over this. First thing that came to mind was: she's only 8. And she's already so busy. This extra gym practice will take away more of her personal time. The next question for me is: push or don't push? And is this more for her or for me?
We've had two or three long serious conversations about what this means. If she was serious about gym, she would have to work hard during training. This may mean she's extra tired or maybe sometimes, even incur some pain along the way. Training being on a Sunday evening means forgoing some family activities which she might enjoy. There is commitment and sacrifice to be made if she wants to pursue this seriously and she must be prepared to commit to this wholeheartedly. She cannot be half-hearted about this.
And then there is the issue of dance, which she loves equally as much. She learns fast and she is imbued with a natural grace and a strong sense of rhythm. In last year's year-end performance, she was among the three girls chosen to execute more complex moves than the others in the front and centre of the formation and according to her, it is the same again for this year's year-end dance performance. If she is shortlisted for dance, another core activity in IJ, what then? Might seem like I'm counting many unhatched chicks and being presumptuous. But I like to consider all possibilities and this one is very real. I've seen what she can do and each time KH and I see her dance, we're just bowled over. Where did all this come from? Not from us that's for sure! If we see this love and this talent, should we not as parents, support this, develop this?
But bottomline is, she can't have everything. Both gym and dance are core CCAs for the school and very demanding in their time and commitment. There is still academic work to consider too. While Cait is doing well in school so far, the work is still easy for now. What happens when the pressure builds in P4, P5 and P6?
So I outlined all this for her. She went away thinking about it. As recently as last night, I brought this up again. She said nothing but this morning when I came downstairs, she was poring over the gym form with her father and he was already signing his consent.
When I asked her in the car why she made this decision, she said simply: "I want to win. I want medals."
I can't describe how I felt. Cait is very different from her siblings in that she can be very ambitious and very driven. On one hand, I felt proud of her for knowing what she wants and being willing to work to get it. On the other hand, I wanted to protect her - from any disappointments that might come out of this. Does this mean I have no confidence in her to succeed? How disloyal is this lack of faith. Should I, as a parent, brush aside all my inner concerns and fears and just blindly believe too? Do I just egg her on in her self-belief and in her ambition? Or do I temper her ambition, water down her appetite for success?
It was on the tip of my tongue to say: "but you know, sometimes no matter how hard you try, how much you want it, you might still be disappointed because others might be better."
But caveats like this pour cold water and dilute the flip side of the equation, which is the belief that if you try your best, and you want it bad enough, you work damn hard for it, you will be rewarded for it. And this is the kind of fighting spirit we want to encourage in her which can only help her in her life.
KH is not very supportive either. He never was 100% in favour of Cait taking gym. And while he's proud of her, he would be happier to see her leaving gym and moving to dance. Likewise while he's chuffed to see her being recognised for her efforts, appointed leadership roles in class (believe it or not, terms like "subject reps", "class ex-co" roll effortlessly off her tongue these days), doing more in gym, ballet, dance etc, he's also pragmatic enough to worry about the impact that all this will have on her academic work. That, for him will always come first. While I am the first to applaud her achievements, push her and strategise with her, he views all this with some amusement and scepticism. He sees this as more of a 'pushy-mom' initiative than hers. But I disagree. I know how much Cait values approval, applause and accolades.
Maybe I find this all a bit scary - that I have this over-achiever of a child in my midst. Cait is moving so fast these days in a way that impresses and scares me. How to manage this?
I'm still thinking hard about this one.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Perfectly imperfect
KH bought me a 16GB Creative Zen on Sunday. So this is my new toy. Very excited about it and still trying to figure this out. But 16GB is a big improvement over my current player which is only a 1GB baby. So many possibilities! Now the kids are elbowing each other trying to be in pole position to inherit my 1GB player. I'd mentioned that I was running out of space on my player and my new fascination with K-pop and K-dramas meant that I was looking for something that would allow me to store my favourite K-drama scenes and K-pop videos. It was just a passing comment but KH noted that and on Sunday, he made it a point for all of us to go to the Creative store at Marina Square.
KH has been very sweet lately. Not just because of my new toy, but he's turned a tolerant blind eye on my latest craze for K-dramas. I think he can be exasperated by my antics - buying the umpteenth box set, blasting K-pop in the car, pulling all-nighters (I lasted till 3am once and he gamely sat with me to watch) and generally neglecting our children for the gogglebox. But I give him full credit for not scolding me for it or being scathing about it and taking interest in what I am watching. And then there are our Saturday brekkies in the park. I look forward to those. Actually I look forward to our daily brekkies when we go to work in the morning after we send the kids off to school.
Also he gets my deep emotional thanks for being there over the past few days when I've been crouching over our toilet bowl, puking endlessly. He was sweet enough to take me home from work in the middle of the morning last week when I puked four times in a row, send me to the doctor, stroke my back when I retched and retched and then taking the rest of the day off, making sure I took my meds and keeping the kids away from me. He did the same again yesterday when I was still violently sick. I guess when a guy can see you at your worst - and how elegant can puking over a toilet bowl be huh? - and still care for you, I guess it's gotta be love huh?
The MCYS ad making its rounds these days - depicting a woman's deep love for her husband through her moving eulogy made me teary more than once - in fact every time I see it. How many of us can see past all the imperfections? And I'm not talking about the snoring or the 'rear wind action' either. Though, with KH, I get plenty of that! Made me think what I would say about KH in a eulogy. And that made me reflect on my life with KH.
This blog has seen me through a time when I was very low and found marriage hard-going. Good friends will know exactly what I mean. I spent months in a funk. Contemplating painful and once unimaginable impossible scenarios. But you know what? I'm glad I did. Doing that was good for me. The very exercise itself threw open possibilities and scenarios that I walked myself through, and having done so, I know exactly what I could or could not do. What I could let go of, and what I could not. The knowledge gave me strength and peace of mind. And then days passed, then weeks, and the funk eased off. I saw things in a better light. Didn't happen overnight. Took me a long long time.
Today, a friend emailed me about how hard she was finding it - marriage.
Here's my take. I think we walk on life roads that take us through valleys and peaks. And right now, this is her valley. But it's not necessarily bad to be in the valley for a while. Sometimes, we just have to hang on for the ride. I did that. And I think I have emerged from that dark period - and I say this cautiously because I do not want to over-reach myself - with the certainty that while I can certainly live without KH and life will go on, life would be far, infinitely far less rich or complete without him. As I sat on my porch last night, I think of all that has come and gone - my life with KH, that MCYS ad, the K-dramas I watch, even Richard's death, everything came together in one jumbled mess and my only coherent thought is - I'm glad I hung on.
I don't say that to everyone. I don't believe all marriages are made in heaven and meant to last forever. Sometimes it would really be for the better for people to part ways. But I also think that these days, maybe most people give up very easily. The imperfections overwhelm. Or maybe that wall of pride is just insurmountable.
I'm not the best person for marital advice. But here's my two cents. I think there are people who are worth hanging on for and some who are better let go. Some whose paths are just utterly divergent from yours - you know then that perhaps its best to go separate ways. But there are some whose paths start out the same, deviate a little, take the scenic route but ultimately have the same destination as yours - those are worth keeping right? Worth hanging on for the ride - even though the ride might be scary and too fast for your liking and you feel as though you are in danger of being flung off.
For this second group - even with the most ferocious 'rear wind action' - you know you should hang on to them for dear life. I guess KH falls into this group for me. We've had our tough times. I'm sure we would have equally challenging times ahead. And no matter how I rant and rage, how many tantrums I throw on this blog about him from time to time, KH is still someone worth hanging on to for dear life. I actually think he's a much better person than I am. Maybe if I hang around him more, this might just rub off on me.
In case you're wondering, KH does not read this blog. And I am not the most emotionally expressive person around. We're both gruff recipients when it comes to mush and I cannot remember the last time we even told each other those three little words (which I think are over-rated anyway!). KH would probably roll his eyes! So if anyone has suggestions on how I can tell KH all this - without being too mushy, maudlin or sentimental, post it!
KH bought me a 16GB Creative Zen on Sunday. So this is my new toy. Very excited about it and still trying to figure this out. But 16GB is a big improvement over my current player which is only a 1GB baby. So many possibilities! Now the kids are elbowing each other trying to be in pole position to inherit my 1GB player. I'd mentioned that I was running out of space on my player and my new fascination with K-pop and K-dramas meant that I was looking for something that would allow me to store my favourite K-drama scenes and K-pop videos. It was just a passing comment but KH noted that and on Sunday, he made it a point for all of us to go to the Creative store at Marina Square.
KH has been very sweet lately. Not just because of my new toy, but he's turned a tolerant blind eye on my latest craze for K-dramas. I think he can be exasperated by my antics - buying the umpteenth box set, blasting K-pop in the car, pulling all-nighters (I lasted till 3am once and he gamely sat with me to watch) and generally neglecting our children for the gogglebox. But I give him full credit for not scolding me for it or being scathing about it and taking interest in what I am watching. And then there are our Saturday brekkies in the park. I look forward to those. Actually I look forward to our daily brekkies when we go to work in the morning after we send the kids off to school.
Also he gets my deep emotional thanks for being there over the past few days when I've been crouching over our toilet bowl, puking endlessly. He was sweet enough to take me home from work in the middle of the morning last week when I puked four times in a row, send me to the doctor, stroke my back when I retched and retched and then taking the rest of the day off, making sure I took my meds and keeping the kids away from me. He did the same again yesterday when I was still violently sick. I guess when a guy can see you at your worst - and how elegant can puking over a toilet bowl be huh? - and still care for you, I guess it's gotta be love huh?
The MCYS ad making its rounds these days - depicting a woman's deep love for her husband through her moving eulogy made me teary more than once - in fact every time I see it. How many of us can see past all the imperfections? And I'm not talking about the snoring or the 'rear wind action' either. Though, with KH, I get plenty of that! Made me think what I would say about KH in a eulogy. And that made me reflect on my life with KH.
This blog has seen me through a time when I was very low and found marriage hard-going. Good friends will know exactly what I mean. I spent months in a funk. Contemplating painful and once unimaginable impossible scenarios. But you know what? I'm glad I did. Doing that was good for me. The very exercise itself threw open possibilities and scenarios that I walked myself through, and having done so, I know exactly what I could or could not do. What I could let go of, and what I could not. The knowledge gave me strength and peace of mind. And then days passed, then weeks, and the funk eased off. I saw things in a better light. Didn't happen overnight. Took me a long long time.
Today, a friend emailed me about how hard she was finding it - marriage.
Here's my take. I think we walk on life roads that take us through valleys and peaks. And right now, this is her valley. But it's not necessarily bad to be in the valley for a while. Sometimes, we just have to hang on for the ride. I did that. And I think I have emerged from that dark period - and I say this cautiously because I do not want to over-reach myself - with the certainty that while I can certainly live without KH and life will go on, life would be far, infinitely far less rich or complete without him. As I sat on my porch last night, I think of all that has come and gone - my life with KH, that MCYS ad, the K-dramas I watch, even Richard's death, everything came together in one jumbled mess and my only coherent thought is - I'm glad I hung on.
I don't say that to everyone. I don't believe all marriages are made in heaven and meant to last forever. Sometimes it would really be for the better for people to part ways. But I also think that these days, maybe most people give up very easily. The imperfections overwhelm. Or maybe that wall of pride is just insurmountable.
I'm not the best person for marital advice. But here's my two cents. I think there are people who are worth hanging on for and some who are better let go. Some whose paths are just utterly divergent from yours - you know then that perhaps its best to go separate ways. But there are some whose paths start out the same, deviate a little, take the scenic route but ultimately have the same destination as yours - those are worth keeping right? Worth hanging on for the ride - even though the ride might be scary and too fast for your liking and you feel as though you are in danger of being flung off.
For this second group - even with the most ferocious 'rear wind action' - you know you should hang on to them for dear life. I guess KH falls into this group for me. We've had our tough times. I'm sure we would have equally challenging times ahead. And no matter how I rant and rage, how many tantrums I throw on this blog about him from time to time, KH is still someone worth hanging on to for dear life. I actually think he's a much better person than I am. Maybe if I hang around him more, this might just rub off on me.
In case you're wondering, KH does not read this blog. And I am not the most emotionally expressive person around. We're both gruff recipients when it comes to mush and I cannot remember the last time we even told each other those three little words (which I think are over-rated anyway!). KH would probably roll his eyes! So if anyone has suggestions on how I can tell KH all this - without being too mushy, maudlin or sentimental, post it!
15 minutes
Last night, I had a rare 15min of being alone in a house full of people. The kids were in bed. KH was coaching Isaac in Maths. The cat was out on the prowl. And I had 15 blissful minutes alone outside on the porch. In semi-darkness illuminated only by the orange glow of the streetlamps, I sat, enjoying the breeze. It had been such a hot muggy still day and the house felt so stuffy - despite all our large windows flung open. It was sheer pleasure sitting there in the cooler outdoors, with earphones playing my favourite music stuffing my ears.
For once, I could sit and watch as lightning streaked and glowed across the night sky. I could see the resident bats swoop from one branch to the next, one tree to the other. My thoughts could roam where they will without interruption.
And then, came a voice plaintively calling: "Muu-uuummmmyyyy..." and my alone-time ended.
But for 15min - sheer bliss.
Last night, I had a rare 15min of being alone in a house full of people. The kids were in bed. KH was coaching Isaac in Maths. The cat was out on the prowl. And I had 15 blissful minutes alone outside on the porch. In semi-darkness illuminated only by the orange glow of the streetlamps, I sat, enjoying the breeze. It had been such a hot muggy still day and the house felt so stuffy - despite all our large windows flung open. It was sheer pleasure sitting there in the cooler outdoors, with earphones playing my favourite music stuffing my ears.
For once, I could sit and watch as lightning streaked and glowed across the night sky. I could see the resident bats swoop from one branch to the next, one tree to the other. My thoughts could roam where they will without interruption.
And then, came a voice plaintively calling: "Muu-uuummmmyyyy..." and my alone-time ended.
But for 15min - sheer bliss.
Cherry blossoms
I've said before that I found a certain loneliness in Japan. And I feel for the place because I feel the same loneliness many times. Today, I'm seeing pictures of cherry blossom in Japan, in most places, the trees are now mostly green, the blossoms mostly on the ground already, the crowd thinning out. I used to think that the best time to visit Japan is during the height of the cherry blossom season. But now, I think otherwise. Perhaps the best time to visit Japan is really the end of the season. When the leaves turn green, when the wind blows pink and white petals hither thither and the ground is littered with trampled blossoms and the parks return to their quiet, crowdless state.
Cherry blossoms last only about a week or so on the branch. For the Japanese, the coming of the cherry blossom signals re-birth, fresh beginnings. And the very fleeting nature of the cherry blossoms signify the fleeting nature of life itself. There is a certain poignancy to this. So when the petals fall, perhaps that would be the best time to really savour the meaning of cherry blossoms.
I've always said Japan is a place I'd like to travel alone to. One day, when the kids are older (or is that only an excuse?) I'll take myself off to Japan and I'll be sure to go at the tail end of the cherry blossom season.
I've said before that I found a certain loneliness in Japan. And I feel for the place because I feel the same loneliness many times. Today, I'm seeing pictures of cherry blossom in Japan, in most places, the trees are now mostly green, the blossoms mostly on the ground already, the crowd thinning out. I used to think that the best time to visit Japan is during the height of the cherry blossom season. But now, I think otherwise. Perhaps the best time to visit Japan is really the end of the season. When the leaves turn green, when the wind blows pink and white petals hither thither and the ground is littered with trampled blossoms and the parks return to their quiet, crowdless state.
Cherry blossoms last only about a week or so on the branch. For the Japanese, the coming of the cherry blossom signals re-birth, fresh beginnings. And the very fleeting nature of the cherry blossoms signify the fleeting nature of life itself. There is a certain poignancy to this. So when the petals fall, perhaps that would be the best time to really savour the meaning of cherry blossoms.
I've always said Japan is a place I'd like to travel alone to. One day, when the kids are older (or is that only an excuse?) I'll take myself off to Japan and I'll be sure to go at the tail end of the cherry blossom season.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Gobsmacked!
Ever watched the musical Victor/Victoria? About a woman playing a man playing a woman? I watched it once and emerged totally confused about the whole thing. I'm sure there were clever gags and insider smirks but those were totally lost to me.
I feel just as lost now when I think about Tigerlily.
Turns out that my Tigerlily is not a 'she' but a 'he'!
We'd sent the cat for spaying yesterday morning only to get a very abrupt call from the vet at 4pm. "Your cat... this Tigerlily... did you get it as a kitten or just adopted?" he demanded without much preamble.
I was a bit taken aback because he sounded a bit indignant. Before I could gather my thoughts, he went: "Did you know your cat is a male?!"
After my first "WHAT???" the whole car (we were in the car then, together with the children) erupted in a huge uproar and I could barely hear the man on thel ine. A few incoherent sentences later, we agreed to pick the cat up immediately and get the facts.
"Oy, the vet checked and said it was a girl cat what!!" That was the general shocked and upset mood in the car.
We all had trouble getting our heads around the fact that the 'girl cat' was actually a boy cat in disguise! And all this time we'd been calling her 'girl' and using all the female pronouns! Yikes!!
How could she be a he? She was growing breasts - so said Caitlin. No penis - show me a penis - demanded KH. No balls, daddy don't all boys have balls? Tigerlily has no balls - went Owain. "How can the vet make such a mistake? The very first vet said she's a girl... "(that was me repeating the same line dully over and over again) The only reasonable voice in the cacophony was Isaac's who said: It must be a mistake. Just bring the cat to another vet and get a second opinion.
To the vet we zoomed, all full of anxious questions. Cradling a very drowsy and tranquillised Tigerlily, he showed us the penis, a very teensy pink one that had to be probed and pushed out of the inner folds of the body. He also pointed out the vulva lips, part of the female sexual anatomy, but noted that there was no vagina and no uterus. The vet also showed us the scrotum, two tiny bulges just below the anus. They were certainly not like other adult male cats, whose scrotum hung outside the body. They looked like, forgive me, mangosteen slices instead. And when probed, there was nothing there. No scrotal sacs. It could be that the testicles were undescended but given the cat's age as an adult cat, this did not seem likely. Your cat, he said, is bisexual.
Owain yelled excitedly: We have a gay cat!
No! Apart from being very politically incorrect, that is just the wrong description of his/her condition. The vet said this was due to its mother cat's hormonal imbalances during gestation, that caused this strange development.
A hermaphrodite cat! Who knew?? Tigerlily has joined the ranks of snails, hamlets, earthworms and banana slugs in the genre of homogamy.
The vet was fascinated and said that in all his years, this was the second case he had seen. He took pictures of Tigerlily and her unique anatomy for his personal records. Very rare, he kept saying. But for the record, he said Tigerlily was more male than female. Even so, he could never impregnate other cats because he didn't have the hormones for sperm production and scrotal development. Despite the presence of a vulva (which was how the younger vet was hoodwinked earlier), there were no other female sexual organs - no vagina. So definitely can't get pregnant.
It ended with the vet refunding us the sterilisation fees and telling us that we were 'lucky' - this cat would never exhibit the tomcat-like aggressive territorial behavior of male cats (not enough male hormones) but neither would it get pregnant etc as a female cat. So no need to spay - for the moment. But if the testicles look like they are forming and the cat starts caterwauling, then I've got to bring it back for a second look. But, he said, this is not likely to happen.
We're all still a bit dazed by this development and we all still trip over the pronouns, so used were we to the 'she' and 'her'. And now, there's the big issue outstanding - what to call him? Whoever heard of a male cat called Tigerlily? Fairy stories aplenty! KH, pragmatically said, just call him Tiger. But he's such a gentle cat, certainly far from tiger-like, the name would not suit!
Family meeting tonight for sure - we need to talk about a name for our unique bisexual cat!
Ever watched the musical Victor/Victoria? About a woman playing a man playing a woman? I watched it once and emerged totally confused about the whole thing. I'm sure there were clever gags and insider smirks but those were totally lost to me.
I feel just as lost now when I think about Tigerlily.
Turns out that my Tigerlily is not a 'she' but a 'he'!
We'd sent the cat for spaying yesterday morning only to get a very abrupt call from the vet at 4pm. "Your cat... this Tigerlily... did you get it as a kitten or just adopted?" he demanded without much preamble.
I was a bit taken aback because he sounded a bit indignant. Before I could gather my thoughts, he went: "Did you know your cat is a male?!"
After my first "WHAT???" the whole car (we were in the car then, together with the children) erupted in a huge uproar and I could barely hear the man on thel ine. A few incoherent sentences later, we agreed to pick the cat up immediately and get the facts.
"Oy, the vet checked and said it was a girl cat what!!" That was the general shocked and upset mood in the car.
We all had trouble getting our heads around the fact that the 'girl cat' was actually a boy cat in disguise! And all this time we'd been calling her 'girl' and using all the female pronouns! Yikes!!
How could she be a he? She was growing breasts - so said Caitlin. No penis - show me a penis - demanded KH. No balls, daddy don't all boys have balls? Tigerlily has no balls - went Owain. "How can the vet make such a mistake? The very first vet said she's a girl... "(that was me repeating the same line dully over and over again) The only reasonable voice in the cacophony was Isaac's who said: It must be a mistake. Just bring the cat to another vet and get a second opinion.
To the vet we zoomed, all full of anxious questions. Cradling a very drowsy and tranquillised Tigerlily, he showed us the penis, a very teensy pink one that had to be probed and pushed out of the inner folds of the body. He also pointed out the vulva lips, part of the female sexual anatomy, but noted that there was no vagina and no uterus. The vet also showed us the scrotum, two tiny bulges just below the anus. They were certainly not like other adult male cats, whose scrotum hung outside the body. They looked like, forgive me, mangosteen slices instead. And when probed, there was nothing there. No scrotal sacs. It could be that the testicles were undescended but given the cat's age as an adult cat, this did not seem likely. Your cat, he said, is bisexual.
Owain yelled excitedly: We have a gay cat!
No! Apart from being very politically incorrect, that is just the wrong description of his/her condition. The vet said this was due to its mother cat's hormonal imbalances during gestation, that caused this strange development.
A hermaphrodite cat! Who knew?? Tigerlily has joined the ranks of snails, hamlets, earthworms and banana slugs in the genre of homogamy.
The vet was fascinated and said that in all his years, this was the second case he had seen. He took pictures of Tigerlily and her unique anatomy for his personal records. Very rare, he kept saying. But for the record, he said Tigerlily was more male than female. Even so, he could never impregnate other cats because he didn't have the hormones for sperm production and scrotal development. Despite the presence of a vulva (which was how the younger vet was hoodwinked earlier), there were no other female sexual organs - no vagina. So definitely can't get pregnant.
It ended with the vet refunding us the sterilisation fees and telling us that we were 'lucky' - this cat would never exhibit the tomcat-like aggressive territorial behavior of male cats (not enough male hormones) but neither would it get pregnant etc as a female cat. So no need to spay - for the moment. But if the testicles look like they are forming and the cat starts caterwauling, then I've got to bring it back for a second look. But, he said, this is not likely to happen.
We're all still a bit dazed by this development and we all still trip over the pronouns, so used were we to the 'she' and 'her'. And now, there's the big issue outstanding - what to call him? Whoever heard of a male cat called Tigerlily? Fairy stories aplenty! KH, pragmatically said, just call him Tiger. But he's such a gentle cat, certainly far from tiger-like, the name would not suit!
Family meeting tonight for sure - we need to talk about a name for our unique bisexual cat!
Just catching up
Back at work for a week now and I'm still adjusting. Luckily its term break now so things are very quiet and most people are on leave. Adjusting to a longer work week and getting some resistance from my inner self. After working 2.5 days for more than 7 years, it seems harder even to just work one more day a week! I'm sorely feeling my loss of personal time and half regretting the move to work 3.5 days. But I've just got to bite the bullet and do this. Pathetic as it may sound, Trin can use the money for her Nursery education.
Yes, we've decided to go ahead and continue her in Lumiere Montessori. KH was very reluctant but after thinking long and hard, I think its what is best for her. She's used to the place and to the teachers, the Montessori way of individualised learning is still what is best for her (particularly given her extra strong will and personality), it's also more convenient, etc etc. Have to say I visited the PAP kindy just to have a feel of the place and within five minutes, I pretty much decided against the mainstream kindy. I disagreed with practically everything I heard! So, feeling this way, I could not in all good conscience put her there - even if the disparity in fees is at least 3 times!
Trin's really cute when she goes to school. She eagerly puts on her uniform, takes her bag and bugs everyone to get ready when its time to go! She loves it there, so even though I hate working 3.5 days a week, it's worth the pain if she really enjoys school and if she grows and learns.
The speech therapist did another test with her and said that she shows signs of attentional deficit. She was fidgety during the test, could not seem to process information well and responded only to binary questions. Therapist recommended that Trin start language, not speech, therapy and to be further evaluated by an educational psychologist.
One part of me is so resigned - why am I not surprised? Given our experience with Gillian and Isaac, this does not faze me as much, but I still feel a big sigh coming. Asked myself over and over again - what did we do wrong? I kept ultrasounds to a minimum, had a natural unmedicated birth, delayed cord clamping, declined all vaccinations, breastfed until she was at least three. So what went wrong?
Then again, I'm not the kind to keep wallowing. So best to just do what needs to be done - I've pushed her paed appointment at KKH up two months to May, spoken to Eileen at Lumiere about this and asked for her observations of Trin. By the end of this term, I would have more information to feed the paed and push for a referral to an educational psychologist. Hopefully by the second half of the year, we would have embarked on some early intervention programme. I'm quite prepared to get Melissa back on board to work with Trin on attentional issues.
Owain - being a real gem of a kor-kor in school. He does a lot for his baby sister. They fight a lot at home but in school, he seems pretty protective. He reports to me on a daily basis what Trin does in school and it looks as if he wanders over to the Nursery section often just to check on Trin!
Caitlin is starting the new term well. She's been appointed Social Studies Monitor and earmarked to go for 'training' in a special leadership training workshop for student and CCA leaders in the school. She's doing well in gym and in dance. So I think there will come a day when she's got to make a choice between gym and dance as a CCA.
Isaac is rather quiet these days - I don't hear much from him. The doors of adolescence seem to have cracked open a teensy bit and there is a new sort of tension between him and KH. I can sense it whenever KH comes down on Isaac and I try to soften things whenever I can. From past experience I already know that Isaac will not back down from a clash of wills. So I try to deflect it or talk to him separately. He's not outwardly rebellious or rude or defiant. He's just very quiet about it and that is the scary bit - because a lot of how I approach him is based on my gut feel and less on what I actually know. He reminds me of an iceberg - quiet and still, a small piece showing above the water but massive on the inside. Lucky for me that our bond is still quite strong and we have a lot in common. That helps.
Gillian is... shining like a beacon these days. She is really coming into her own now. Today is the first day of the C Div Nationals for bowling. She was very psyched up and very nervous this morning - worried that she would pull her team's scores down. But I think she'll be fine. Yesterday she played three games under her grandad's eagle eye and she was scoring well above her targets. Saturday's training also saw her scoring on target. We had set these targets for her to reach as gradual milestones. She seems to be hitting her stride and once she plateaus, we'll push her harder again. She's slowly improving and we are happy that she has the focus and determination to do so - that really is what's most important to us.
Gill has also been shortlisted for the GEM programme in KC. We attended the first briefing and she's gone for the first camp already. Its a nine-month long programme filled with camps, workshops, meetings and so on. I thought it sounded like a good programme to build self-confidence, self-discipline, motivation etc. Already after the first camp, she told us that she had such a good time that she's made new friends (more positive ones than her usual gang in class - which I am trying to steer her away from) and she's inspired to become a mentor and return to serve in the camp next year. You don't know how happy I was hear this coming from her - positive role modelling, self-motivation growing - so different from the girl she was a few years ago. Even at home, these days when it comes to work, we hear fewer moans and complaints than before. She grumbles a bit but knuckles down to work more willingly.
Back at work for a week now and I'm still adjusting. Luckily its term break now so things are very quiet and most people are on leave. Adjusting to a longer work week and getting some resistance from my inner self. After working 2.5 days for more than 7 years, it seems harder even to just work one more day a week! I'm sorely feeling my loss of personal time and half regretting the move to work 3.5 days. But I've just got to bite the bullet and do this. Pathetic as it may sound, Trin can use the money for her Nursery education.
Yes, we've decided to go ahead and continue her in Lumiere Montessori. KH was very reluctant but after thinking long and hard, I think its what is best for her. She's used to the place and to the teachers, the Montessori way of individualised learning is still what is best for her (particularly given her extra strong will and personality), it's also more convenient, etc etc. Have to say I visited the PAP kindy just to have a feel of the place and within five minutes, I pretty much decided against the mainstream kindy. I disagreed with practically everything I heard! So, feeling this way, I could not in all good conscience put her there - even if the disparity in fees is at least 3 times!
Trin's really cute when she goes to school. She eagerly puts on her uniform, takes her bag and bugs everyone to get ready when its time to go! She loves it there, so even though I hate working 3.5 days a week, it's worth the pain if she really enjoys school and if she grows and learns.
The speech therapist did another test with her and said that she shows signs of attentional deficit. She was fidgety during the test, could not seem to process information well and responded only to binary questions. Therapist recommended that Trin start language, not speech, therapy and to be further evaluated by an educational psychologist.
One part of me is so resigned - why am I not surprised? Given our experience with Gillian and Isaac, this does not faze me as much, but I still feel a big sigh coming. Asked myself over and over again - what did we do wrong? I kept ultrasounds to a minimum, had a natural unmedicated birth, delayed cord clamping, declined all vaccinations, breastfed until she was at least three. So what went wrong?
Then again, I'm not the kind to keep wallowing. So best to just do what needs to be done - I've pushed her paed appointment at KKH up two months to May, spoken to Eileen at Lumiere about this and asked for her observations of Trin. By the end of this term, I would have more information to feed the paed and push for a referral to an educational psychologist. Hopefully by the second half of the year, we would have embarked on some early intervention programme. I'm quite prepared to get Melissa back on board to work with Trin on attentional issues.
Owain - being a real gem of a kor-kor in school. He does a lot for his baby sister. They fight a lot at home but in school, he seems pretty protective. He reports to me on a daily basis what Trin does in school and it looks as if he wanders over to the Nursery section often just to check on Trin!
Caitlin is starting the new term well. She's been appointed Social Studies Monitor and earmarked to go for 'training' in a special leadership training workshop for student and CCA leaders in the school. She's doing well in gym and in dance. So I think there will come a day when she's got to make a choice between gym and dance as a CCA.
Isaac is rather quiet these days - I don't hear much from him. The doors of adolescence seem to have cracked open a teensy bit and there is a new sort of tension between him and KH. I can sense it whenever KH comes down on Isaac and I try to soften things whenever I can. From past experience I already know that Isaac will not back down from a clash of wills. So I try to deflect it or talk to him separately. He's not outwardly rebellious or rude or defiant. He's just very quiet about it and that is the scary bit - because a lot of how I approach him is based on my gut feel and less on what I actually know. He reminds me of an iceberg - quiet and still, a small piece showing above the water but massive on the inside. Lucky for me that our bond is still quite strong and we have a lot in common. That helps.
Gillian is... shining like a beacon these days. She is really coming into her own now. Today is the first day of the C Div Nationals for bowling. She was very psyched up and very nervous this morning - worried that she would pull her team's scores down. But I think she'll be fine. Yesterday she played three games under her grandad's eagle eye and she was scoring well above her targets. Saturday's training also saw her scoring on target. We had set these targets for her to reach as gradual milestones. She seems to be hitting her stride and once she plateaus, we'll push her harder again. She's slowly improving and we are happy that she has the focus and determination to do so - that really is what's most important to us.
Gill has also been shortlisted for the GEM programme in KC. We attended the first briefing and she's gone for the first camp already. Its a nine-month long programme filled with camps, workshops, meetings and so on. I thought it sounded like a good programme to build self-confidence, self-discipline, motivation etc. Already after the first camp, she told us that she had such a good time that she's made new friends (more positive ones than her usual gang in class - which I am trying to steer her away from) and she's inspired to become a mentor and return to serve in the camp next year. You don't know how happy I was hear this coming from her - positive role modelling, self-motivation growing - so different from the girl she was a few years ago. Even at home, these days when it comes to work, we hear fewer moans and complaints than before. She grumbles a bit but knuckles down to work more willingly.
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