A taste of full-time work

These past few days, since last Fri, I have been working full-time in the office, and will likely continue until middle of next week at least.

Couple of reasons: (1) we have the ISO audit coming up and I am the document controller, which means lots of prep needed to ensure the documents are in order. (2) I have one ad campaign to 'pitch' for internally - that means working on concept, copy, reach etc. (3) I am sitting on a key committee here that works on marketing, branding and promo work. And suddenly this committee has burst to life for the year - meaning new projects, new events to plan for etc. (4) I have been roped in to be the corporate 'frontroom' for a key design centre here ie being responsible for publicity, arranging visits etc. (5) I have been asked to try writing a paper on design for a conference - new territory which is both terrifying and exciting! (6) MIL is in the house for the week, so better to stay holed up in the office than feeling angsty and resentful about too much TV use at home - haha!

MIL aside, these are all very exciting projects that I am now working on. I have not felt so excited and keyed up about work since I can't remember when.

So for the past few days I am off to work at 6.45am, back home at 7pm and after the whirlwind of dinner, nursing, showering, reading to children, listening to complaints and experiences of the day from 5 kids, checking out the school work/homework etc, I am in bed earliest at 11pm if not past midnight.

I feel quite conked to be honest. Last night Gillian's classmate came to our house for dinner. We sent her home after that at 8pm. By 8.30pm I was nodding off in the car. At 9 when we arrived home, I picked up Trin, hit the bed, nursed to sleep and was out like a light until this morning. I did not even remember waking up once to go to the toilet, nor giving Gillian a lecture about treating Cait with more love/respect etc. But apparently, I did. KH noted that I did slur my words towards the end but said I got my point across quite well despite the zombie mode. I must have been on auto-pilot then!

I was musing to him this morning that with this schedule, I found it hard paying attention to all 5 kids. Cait has been quietly and dolefully commenting that she hardly saw me, we hardly go out together anymore. When I reminded her that we go out on Sats and Suns, she said: yeah but that's with everybody, not just you and me! I think she feels her voice is getting a bit lost in the crowd. With my current schedule (and this is how it would be if I worked full-time), she goes even more unheard sometimes.

I think we can't have it either way. If the family is so large, maybe it helps to work part-time. That way, one gets to spend enough time with each child - not in terms of academic work, but in just being there to listen, to just be.

And then there are also my parents. Honestly, I think I've never felt closer to my dad than now. Since the bypass, he has stopped smoking, put on some weight and overall seems to have mellowed and softened. I see him with greater affection now than before. Since my mom also stopped working to care for him, the two of them have been going around town trying new food, cooking up a storm, ferrying my kids to and from school etc. On my days off, I've been having brekkie with them, hanging out at their place some days etc. With full-time work, this past week, this has not been possible.

But then on a professional note, I've never felt more keyed up and excited about work in such a long time. I do miss the buzz. Its different when you work part-time - the momentum is often broken and I find myself coming back to office the day after a break feeling sluggish and unmotivated. It takes a while before I 'warm' up and then before I know it, its the end of the day and I can't pursue the leads I want. Not very satisfying.

I just finished my appraisal and my big boss told me: "I'm kinda getting used to you being on a permanent part-time. I don't think you'll ever come back to full-time work. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this in a sarcastic manner. I think this works out for all of us - you and for me. Yes in the beginning there were teething problems but now I think this arrangement is now working out very well."

Well enough to give me a decent performance bonus, a Growth bonus and to approve my half-time application for one more year.

So what more do I want? I told him: "Boss, it will not be a permanent part-time situation lah. I will be back. Maybe next year."

Maybe next year indeed. Full-time or half-time? Gives me one more year to think about it.