It is late by my standards. 10.40pm. I am usually in dreamland by now. But tonight, I am still surfing, listening to some jazz, Trinity sound asleep in my arms.

The house is quiet and still. The lights downstairs are off. Only the Christmas tree lights are twinkling and giving off a glow. Everyone else is asleep. Owain though, is still awake and sitting in a corner quietly making robots with his big duplo blocks. He has graduated to the smaller Lego bricks but still prefers to use the duplo. Once in a while, he looks up and tells me something about his robots or asks me to admire his work. I do - they're really nice squat symmetrical little pieces. Can you tell? I am proud of these achievements.

Ah now he's come over for his fix of nen-nen. One moment a bigger boy, serious and busy with his imagination and hands, the next, still my babe, still needing me for his nen-nen.

Maybe it's something about the music or the cool rainy breeze blowing in, but I am drifting back through time tonight. Specifically to another cool and rainy night when I am 16 and attending a 'function' at Futura. My then-boyfriend is sitting next to me. We are sitting on the steps of the lobby waiting for my dad to come pick me up. The party ended early because of unexpected rain and strong winds. While everyone else has either gone home or headed up to Agus' penthouse, we are sitting down here waiting. It is a nice cool night. I have a stuffed cat in my lap - a present from (now this I can't remember) a friend? Or my boyfriend?

We're just sitting, holding hands and talking, enjoying the cool breeze, when out of the blue, he plants a soft kiss on my cheek. I am taken by surprise but before I can say anything, we are bathed in the glare of headlights. Dad pulls up and the boyfriend quickly pulls away and greets my dad. I hustle into the car and the moment is gone. For some reason tonight, I remember that moment, back in time. It was my first kiss.

Life is full of special unexpected moments. And when you're a teenager facing a tumult of emotions, the heady mix of invincibility and passion of youth, you think this is how it will always be and you try so hard to keep the moment alive. But of course, we can't. And so while we may grow up, marry someone else, have children, grow old, I think there is always something in us that remembers those special first moments. And hopefully, if I can still remember these and if they are still meaningful to me and if I can still grasp the import of these 'first moments', then hopefully I will be sensitive to my children's own coming-of-age.