Waste not want not

It was Isaac's birthday yesterday but we celebrated it on Monday by bringing the kids, plus Isaac's friend P and his sister G out with us. I think the kids enjoyed their day out. We went for a morning walk at the new Admiralty Park with my ILs. Yes I spent a nice morning trailing 30m behind the group (roll eyes). I never feel quite comfortable with them and going on a walk through a nature trail, I would rather dawdle along, check out the flora and fauna and listen to birdcall (although there was more traffic noise than birdcall since the park bordered a busy road!!).

Following that, we ended up at my ILs house (again, no, all this was not planned by me since I would never voluntarily suggest any amount of time spent with them, but more like I was vetoed by my kids who wanted xbox time). So the kids played on the xbox while I hung out at the nearby mall for more than an hour. The day ended with a swim at the Yishun SAFRA club which had a very nice pool. I didn't swim - I never do (hate public bathrooms and changing rooms - ugh!) . So the kids - all 7 of them including Trin - went with KH.

He said people were giving him funny looks again since he had 7 kids with him, haha. I guess we're all immune to curious looks when we go out with 5 kids, but to have 7 and only ONE parent, must have been mind-boggling for the other parents.

The day passed pleasantly except for the morning. But I just wanted to record my observations about my kids - and his friends.

Having other kids around gave me a chance to see what these kids are like, how they behave, how they are brought up and to put my parenting, my kids into perspective.

P and G, Isaac's friends, are 12 and 8 respectively. They have no other siblings and come from a relatively well-off family. Their mother is an investment banker and the father dabbles in business. They are well-travelled and go to good schools.

I found P and G well-behaved generally. They're not bad kids. They were sociable, fit in well with my kids, interacted well with the adults. They were not spoilt kids. But yet, two incidents were telling.

The first happened when 8-year-old G complained of a stomach ache. We were in the car after the swim. And she was sitting in the back, groaning away really loudly. We were naturally concerned and asked if she was okay, did she need to go to the toilet etc. I was particularly worried since I do not want to offer meds to someone else's kid. Then I realised that the more concern we showed, the louder she would groan and clutch her tummy. Finally, I have to say I got a bit irritated. None of our suggestions agreed with her and the groaning was becoming louder and more annoying. So I said mildly, if you're so unwell, perhaps it might be best if we gave you a lift home. Your mum might be able to give you some meds for this.

Immediately the groaning ceased and she said: No, I don't want to go home.

After that, we had reached our home and the kids started setting up the DVD player, going on the computer etc and there was no more groaning and moaning. G played happily with the rest.

KH later told me that I was taking a risk, what if she was really in pain and tried to ignore it just to avoid going home. I told him that IF she was really in pain, she would WANT to go home. I have a built-in antenna when it comes to kids trying to pull a fast one for whatever reason, and I have no patience for attention-seeking or whiny kids. I hate molly-coddling people and especially molly-coddling kids. I especially hate pandering to attention-seekers (read MIL!). I think this just indulges them to whine more. My approach is simple: if it bothers you enough, do something about it. Otherwise, just be quiet!

Incident number 2 is really an amalgam of several incidents. It was breakfast. P had already had his breakfast. Nonetheless, he opened a full packet of bee-hoon. He ate half the egg, gobbled the chicken wing and left two-thirds of the beehoon uneaten. Said he already had breakfast, was too full etc. So we ended up throwing away that packet of beehoon. Then came lunch. He could not eat what my ILs bought so we asked the helper to cook a bowl of instant noodles. He said he wanted to include fishballs and veggies too. Barely ten minutes later, I heard him say: I can't finish. I'm not very hungry - still full from breakfast. He asked Gillian to eat this for him. Gillian complained of being treated like a scavenger but still ate a bit. Despite that, there was still a LOT left that had to be thrown away.

I, who cannot abide waste, really felt my hackles rising. So when incident three came, I was ready. He asked for oatmeal which the others were eating. I asked him to taste first and see if this was what he really wanted. He did and said yes. I gave him two spoonfuls of oatmeal and cooked it up. Added an egg. Half an hour later, he came to me with his bowl, three-quarters uneaten and said, you guessed it: Can't finish. Aaaarrghhh!!

Had it been my kid, I would have called him on the carpet! But of course it would not be my kids. My kids have been drilled from birth - take only what you need and finish everything on your plate. They know better than to embark on a deathwish like this by wasting food.

So faced with this boy, I really felt like tearing my hair out!

I have been brought up not to waste food and now I am imparting the same philosophy to my kids. How often have I heard the usual line about Ethiopians starving away and here we are throwing away food etc. Yes I used to roll my eyes too whenever my mom went on and on about this.

But now I say this to my kids too. Well, not about the Ethiopians but about the kids in Cambodia or in the Manila slums who rummage through garbage heaps to find edible scraps of food. My kids never ask me about the logic of this though - how could their actions at the dining table translate to actual help for those kids. But I believe in a karmic logic to all this - that if we respect the laws of the universe, respect what is given to us and be thankful for it and not waste, then somewhere somehow, it will be put right. We might have more respect for what is not ours, what is transient, rare, finite. We would appreciate better what we do have, appreciate the amount of work that it took to put food on the table and have better empathy and respect for our fellowman somewhere who has much less.

A friend told me that she's okay with food wastage - what matters is that the kid must enjoy the food and not force it down. But I think this is very undisciplined. It just means that I can do whatever I like as long as I like - never mind if there is wastage or excess or whatever. I can't do this. I don't believe in being this self-indulgent. At the least, its so disrespectful to Mother Earth! I don't want my kids to behave like this or think it's okay to behave like this.

I can't help but wonder if my family and I are anomalies. And is this because I am strict? Or are other parents lax? Does it have anything to do with the size of their family? I would imagine that with a larger family, one would be more wary of wastage since resources are so finite. I would also think that with a smaller family size, the kids are more likely to be mollycoddled and their every whim catered to. Is it necessarily bad that I don't indulge my kids? Is this what they mean when they say kids from big families suffer from the lack of parental attention? Well if so, I'm glad I have a big family then.

This sort of me-first, never mind the rest of the world attitude is not uncommon. Just on Sunday, the Sunday Times interviewed this undergrad who thinks nothing of spending freely on luxury items in a downturn. Its all well and good if you can afford it but it does reflect a distasteful disregard for the times and a lack of sensitivity for the people around you who may not be well-off.

If she wants to spend that kind of money, be my guest. But what gets my goat is the aura of insensitivity and callous attitude she gave off that smelled so bad in the article. (Note: there were some in the ST forum pages who defended her and said she was misrepresented in the article. They gave a URL to her blog. Out of curiosity, I surfed over. First of all, gosh if this was the way 1st year undergrads in NTU write, I think NTU's selection standards leave a lot to be desired! Second, she claims to be misrepresented etc, but when I surfed to previous entries, the same bad whiff of self-indulgence and flaky insensitivity came out. No smoke without fire they say...)

Were her parents overly indulgent? When did she start seeing them as an unending fount of funds? And with her mindset like this, what will happen to her should reality come crashing down? I shudder to think.

I hope and pray my kids will never be like that.

I don't think they will. There's hope yet. Yesterday was Isaac's birthday and we usually go out to celebrate as a family, treating them to their favourite food. Usually the request would be for sushi. But this time, Isaac surprised us all. He asked me how much a bowl of ramen would cost, if baby would share with Owain etc. He did the math and concluded that ramen was cheaper, so let's have ramen instead of sushi. When we asked him why, he said it was because times are getting harder and we're almost in a recession (actually we already are!) so better not to be so extravagant. Wow and double wow for my son!! Note that for the record, we ended up having sushi. KH and I thanked Isaac for being thoughtful, but since it was his birthday, we would treat him to sushi which was what he really wanted. During dinner though, I overheard him telling his siblings: "Eh, you all better don't eat so much ah!"

Then after dinner, he saw me withdrawing some cash from the ATM. I told him quite frankly that I was relieved to see my bank balance still able to last me through to the next pay day - 18 days to go! When he asked why, I told him the truth: every month is hand to mouth for me and I need to watch what I spend very carefully because on months when I am careless, there is literally nothing left in the kitty - zero! It's never a nice feeling to go to the ATM, try to withdraw money and realise you only have $20 left in there! But this happens practically every month for me, so I tell him its important to ration money very carefully.

Some parents might think this is too much information for the kids. But I'm quite happy to share the state of my finances with him. I think he is old enough to know, think for himself and join the dots. I don't believe in sheltering him or being an unlimited source of funds for him or the other kids (I can't!). Hopefully, my honesty will bring a huge dose of reality to them and let it sink home what we've always been saying: money does not grow on trees!

10 good reasons

Owain has been badgering me to nurse him. I thought he was well over the nursing and did not seem to mind not nursing. We have not nursed for many months already.

But these few weeks I noticed that he has been bugging me pretty often about nursing. Usually he just teases me and uses it as an exclamation point. For example, when I say no to one of his requests, he would shout: I want nen-nen!

But these days its more pleading/bugging than just an exclamation. He even tells me: You have to give me nen-nen. If you don't give me nen-nen I will die!!

So drama! Pity about his hard-hearted mummy who laughed mercilessly when she heard all this!

Once or twice, I did let him try and nurse, but he could not get anything out. He had forgotten how to nurse. When I told him he'd already forgotten, he said: "I will learn again. Just suck slowly... or you can press the breast..." Meaning that I should do breast compressions while he nurses!

The other day I told him in exasperation: "If you can give me 10 good reasons why you should have nen-nen, I will let you have it!"

So he thought for a while and here are his reasons. They were not all given at one go - he had to think them through for a while, often stopping for days until a new reason struck him and he could add it to the list. Here they are, in no order of preference:

1. Because nen-nen is healthy and good for my body.
2. Because nen-nen is good for your body too!
3. Because you're beautiful.
4. Because I like the taste of nen-nen.
5. Because I love you.
6. Because I like the strawberry on your breast (he's referring to a tiny strawberry mark on the areola)
7. Because nen-nen is better than cow's milk.

It's stopped like this for now. He's thinking hard and working on the rest.

When he gets to number 10, I'll let him have his nen-nen. I think he deserves it. Don't you?

Owain's motto

Owain's motto is: "You never know if you never try."

And its got to be said fast. Preferably with a charming smile and cocky slant of the head!

Owain is more adventurous than my other kids and he seems more willing to try new things, new food, new ways of doing things, than the rest.

This motto came out quite naturally from him. None of us coached him or put any suggestions to him about even having a motto. One fine day he just announced that this was his motto.

For now.

And the next line out of him would usually be: Mum, what is YOUR motto?

Hmm. Good question. I thought for a bit and then I said: My motto is the same one that is on the clay piece attached to my bag's zipper. It says "Live well, laugh often, love always."

A revolution in the works

I learned a lot today.

It started with an email from Sui Noi early in the morning which directed me to a video clip of Sir Ken Robinson speaking on how schools stamp out creativity.

Schools are a form of organised education born in response to the demands of industrialisation about two centuries ago. And it has been so ever since - we cater to the demands of industry. Industry and jobs dictate which subjects are important. The education system tells us that Maths, languages are at the top of the food chain while other subjects like history or art or dance lie further down.

In our system in Singapore, I note that this is so too. We have four examinable subjects - English, Mother Tongue (Chinese or Malay or Tamil), Maths and Science - at primary school level. The rest are Art, PE, Music, Social Studies. But the latter group are like the poorer relations because they are seen to be 'extra', 'expendable' and not as important. So if extra time were needed for the major subjects, sometimes the lesson periods for something like art or music or PE would be sacrificed. In our system, there isn't much emphasis placed on learning something different, alternative. We focus on results, put up charts, tweak the system to for better outcomes for the majority.

In my response to my friend, I wrote that education has become corporatised. Mass education, schools in the way we know them today, are born out of industrialisation. But today, schools are industrialised. We are churning out drones which are pretty similar to each other. After the nth drone churned out, where is the value? So degrees today are not worth much, try harder to get a Masters. And when a masters becomes commonplace, try a PhD. But where will it end?

Meanwhile, what about the individual? What about the minority - those who learn differently, have different gifts and talents? What then? There are many stories, and Sir Robinson narrates one in his speech too, of people who do not fit the education model of the norm but who 'blossom' in a different way. But more often than not, these stories are celebrated as stories of triumph against the odds, success found after struggle etc. They are never seen as the norm where children are free to explore their interests, talents, to learn best in the way they learn and then to thrive with no labels and definitions from society. Why should this be so?

This is part of the email which I wrote to Sui Noi: "The idealist in me agrees wholeheartedly with Sir Robinson. But the pragmatist in me wonders how this revolution can ever take off when everything today has to be benchmarked, tested and then graded – particularly in a place like Singapore. Everything has to be quantified and children today are no different. I work in education (and Sir Robinson is right about me never being invited to dinner parties!) and I know that funding is pegged to headcounts – in terms of staffing, students etc. We answer to numbers. There is the issue of ‘accountability’. There are bottomlines in education – how many graduate, how many drop out etc. We try to be more ‘efficient’ and teach what we consider to be ‘useful’. When schools are busy applying for ISO certification, applying productivity and quality principles in terms of input (admissions) and output (graduation), education starts to take on a different spin. In short, education has been corporatized."

All very interesting because I posed the same question to Chern on AP. We were discussing the usefulness (or lack!) of standardised testing in schools. I said pretty much the same thing: I am all for the idea, but it would take one heck of a revolution in education to ever change mindsets to return to the individual development. State resources being finite, will never permit individualisation. Pragmatic, achievement-oriented societies that value material success and prestige and status, societies like Singapore and China etc, will never buy this. Never will they go without standardised testing - its their security blanket! For us, who live in a society where everything needs to be measured, recorded and accounted for, standards and benchmarks are what we cling to to assure ourselves of achievement.

I don't have answers and I certainly can't change the system - such a behemoth! I don't think I can see change like this in my lifetime! I can only do what I can for my own kids and work within the system. So like I always say, I am pragmatic.

Diametrically opposite of state and mass education, is homeschooling. And unschooling of course.

Writers like Joseph Chilton Pearce and John Holt have written about how children learn! They make a case for homeschooling, and even unschooling – a concept unfamiliar to me until I read Holt’s books. There is something to be said for allowing kids to find their way in what they want to learn, to take direction from the children themselves. With unschooling, there is no enforced curriculum – ie penmanship lessons, tablework with lots of worksheets, drills etc. Children express interest and natural curiosity in certain areas and the unschooling mothers follow up on those – incorporating mathematical concepts, word recognition etc in the exploration of these areas.

I have friends who practice homeschooling and unschooling. Some do so until the age of 7 and then they let the children enter the system. Others continue until the children reach teenhood. Interestingly enough, the children who were homeschooled/unschooled performed very well once they went to mainstream schools. I found this so even through my experience with Caitlin whom I tried a mish-mash of homeschooling and unschooling in the years before she entered K1. Today, she is performing very well in P1, showing an aptitude for mathematics, dance and gym. So I don’t know if a certain amount of child-led education, particularly in the formative years, rather than institution-led education, might be beneficial to children in the long run. Or perhaps free learning for everyone is the way to go.

Personally though, I am not confident and disciplined enough to homeschool. I was always feeling uncertain whenever I tried to work with Cait in those days. Some days worked, some days didn't. Like Trin's therapist told me the other day when I tried to explain my angst: "Don't try too hard. Even we therapists have bad days when we run out of the right things to say and ask and we resort to the cardinal sins which we have been told not to do! If the child can say the sound once, or maybe twice, that is good enough. Move on. Don't be self-conscious about it."

Hah! Easier said than done. I am VERY self-conscious about this. And always wonder if I am asking the right questions, doing more harm than good in the process. So yeah, I like the idea of homeschooling and unschooling. But I just don't think I'm the right person for the job!

One last point on children and learning.

While surfing the ted.com site, I came across another gem: Dr Sugata Mitra speaking and showing how children can teach themselves. The video blew me away because the message was so powerful! Do click on the link and watch the video. But if you can't, do visit the Hole-in-the-Wall Project site. Here's a quick summary:

It started in his office at Delhi. His office bordered an urban slum. What he did was to cut a hole in the wall of the fence and to put a PC monitor in the hole. He stuck a touch pad (like those found on laptops) next to it. On the other side, the CPU rested, linked to the internet. Then he waited to see what would happen.

A child, of about 8 years old, came along. He fiddled with the touchpad and 8 minutes later, discovered how to surf the net. He had taught himself how to do it. Later on, more and more kids came over and the lesson spread.

What Sugata Mitra found through this intriguing exercise, was that children could organise themselves and teach themselves. Didn't need a teacher. Just a group of kids, enough curiosity and they'd figure it out. Language was no barrier either. After a while, the kids picked up the common terms for computer usage eg 'download', 'file' or 'save'. This is exactly what Maria Montessori was talking about. Left to their own devices and their own natural curiosity, children can and will learn, and in the process derive a great deal of enjoyment.

Dr Sugata tried this experiment at remote villages across India, each time adjusting the computer and the 'booth' for the different temperature ranges etc of the Indian climate, and once, with the lack of connectivity, used CD-Roms instead of the internet. The results were the same. Kids who were illiterate, no formal schooling, no knowledge of English, learned how to navigate and work the computer. In one instance, when he came back several months later, the kids could even trouble-shoot, asking him for a 'better mouse', faster processor etc!

And in a clear demonstration of Montessori principles, the younger children were teaching the older kids! So unlike our schools where everyone goes into age-appropriate classes. Also an interesting point to note that girls were the ones largely found at the wall, exploring the PC.

Interestingly, Sugata Mitra also found that when the best technology was given to the best schools, they derived the least value from it. A school, he explained, already performing at 80% might get at best an additional 3% value from educational technology. But put the technology in a rural, remote area, to schools which lacked the resources, and you can see the value add shoot up significantly.

Let's hope MOE takes note - instead of giving autonomy and the best resources to the proven best, give to those schools who are lagging and lets see what those students make of it.

I found this comment from Dr Sugata, quite recently posted. He said: "Montessori, Vygotsky, Piaget - are geniuses who were far ahead of their times. I cannot even begin to compare my work with theirs. My work is simply a practical application of their ideas, in an age where information resources are at a stage that none of them could have ever imagined."

Wow.

Now what do I do with my own kids??

More on Riang's unseen resident

While we're on the subject of spooky stories, I thought I'd archive a bit of memory and post on the first major 'infestation' that my house had.

When we moved to Riang more than 10 years ago, it was already considered a 'greying' house in a 35-year-old estate. Sitting in what used to be a rubber plantation, the house has seen two or three other owners and occupants. The family that lived there before we got it were tenants. The owner lived two streets down and had bought it as an investment. But back in the Asian financial crisis the property honeymoon had ground to an abrupt halt and he had to let it go quickly. He put it on auction. KH and I had just sold our Pasir Ris flat and we were looking for a good property to buy. Meanwhile, we were camping out at my parent' place couple of streets away. While driving around the neighbourhood one day, we saw it. Being a corner terrace, I was a bit apprehensive that it would be out of my league. Still, we viewed it, liked it, and according to KH, the fengshui was in all the right places. We bought it for a really good price - almost half its value today.

Strange things did not happen immediately. It was only about a year or more after we had moved in that weird things happened. The kids, (back then, Gillian was 4 and Isaac was 3) reported that they saw "an ugly man" sitting in their room. Once, we had friends who came over for a visit. While we were chatting in the living room, Isaac pointed to a spot behind us, out in the garden and said the ugly man was there. For the life of us, we could not see anything or anyone.

And always, always, at 2.30am sharp, he would wake up screaming from nightmares. We would rush over to his room, sleepy but concerned.

In 2000, KH and I went to Spain for a holiday. We left the kids at home and my parents came over to stay. When we came back, my dad, who slept in the children's room on the floor after we had warned him of all these nocturnal disturbances, said that while he was there, the kids slept peacefully. But strangely enough, HE was awakened without fail every night at 2.30am.

I decided to spend the night in the kid's room to see for myself, what exactly was going on. So the kids slept with KH while I took the lower bunk. I left the wall light on, so there room remained dimly lit. Till today, I don't know exactly if what I saw was a dream or if it was real. I know that at some point in the night, I woke up. In a sleepy haze, I saw the chair, which was usually at the desks, had been placed in the middle of the room. A black shadow, like clouds of dust, was slowly coalescing into a human form on the chair. I could not tell if it was male or female. I think it would be safe to say that I was terrified. I either could not move, or did not dare to move. I didn't dare close my eyes either. Finally, whatever it was sat there for a while and then dissipated.

I told my father. He decided to ask his friend to come have a look at the house. My dad has all these strange friends who have some interest in the paranormal. Going out to a cemetery in the dead of night with his pals is a common recreational activity for my father! Don't ask me why! I've always been fascinated by the stories and folklore on Asian supernatural elements that my father could tell me.

So dad apparently has this friend who has some psychic ability. He told dad, when Isaac was born, that Isaac would have a brown birthmark on the back of his knee without even seeing him. At birth, the mark was not immediately noticeable. But as he grew up, it became more prominent. This guy never even met Isaac!

Dad brought his friend to the house one night. He walked upstairs immediately, zoomed into the right room (we did not tell him which one it was), walked around, then out to the landing, back in again. He was silent all the time, sometimes closing his eyes. Finally he told us what he 'saw'. He said a death had occurred many years ago, in Isaac's room, in almost the same location as the bed too. It was not a violent death. A man had died there from natural causes. But he did not know that he was dead and that he had to 'move on'. He thought the room was still his. And he was affronted that someone else is now occupying 'his' room.

Dad's friend tried to tell him to move on, that his time was over. But the man did not want to listen. We were told, KH and I, that as the current owners, we had to tell the man that we now own the house and he has to go. But how to talk to someone we can't even see for crying out loud? Dad's friend said, just say it in your mind - he will hear it.

The long and short of it is, if he refused to go, then a priest would have to be called in to bless the house. That would be the only way.

Well we tried talking but it seemed like the guy didn't want to leave.

So we finally called in a priest. We didn't do it immediately - I hemmed and hawed about this, feeling a bit ridiculous about it. By then we decided to do something, I was heavily pregnant with Caitlin. My family was concerned and felt it would not be good to have the baby born and then return to an 'infested' house so they pushed me to do something about the situation.

Even the act of calling in a priest was very strange, very surreal. We didn't know who to call. And we wanted someone who had a reputation for casting out infestations from houses. The name Fr Simon P came up repeatedly. But try as I did, I could not get in touch with him. So my uncle, who is a staunch Catholic, tried to help us out. He went to the Major Seminary to ask around and Fr William told him to ask Fr Vincent.

That evening, my uncle went to ask Fr Vincent for help. He didn't make an appointment but Fr Vincent went up to him directly as if he knew my uncle was waiting to see him. When my uncle explained the situation, Father wanted to come immediately that very night.

When he did come to our house, it was a bright sunny morning. Father led the prayers and moved through the house, sprinkling holy water at everything. Later on, my uncle told us that at most house blessings, the sprinkling of holy water was a cursory one, a gesture in every room. But with Fr Vincent that day, he went to every room, every corner, in the house, outside the house. He even had to refill the water at one point! He zoomed in on certain antiques and ornaments we had and touched it with holy oil. Later he told us that we should refrain from buying too many antiques - one never knew where they came from, what history they had etc and sometimes, spirits of the past liked to dwell in these things. He also told us to put away, out of sight, our Venetian masks and any object that looked human but deformed or warped. So our Venetian masks have since gone into hiding at the back of the cupboard.

Since that time, its been peaceful and quiet. Except for that faceless woman near the water pot of course.

Last I posted in 2006, I said I was considering getting some help again. But I have not done anything since then. For now at least, the thought of bumping into our unwanted guest would keep Isaac away from his midnight visits to the study room. So that's got to be useful at least!

Things that go ring in the night!

Couple of days ago KH mentioned that the boys' room might be having another unwanted visitor, read 'ghost'. For those not in the know, this would not be the first time that our house has been the scene of spooky stuff. The last time it happened, we had to call a priest in to bless our house. Since then though, all has been peaceful on the spooky front. Well, more or less. Apart from the occasional strange sightings of strange long-haired woman hovering in the backyard area, but that's a story for another day. My house, the inside that is, has been a ghost-free zone for years.

Until now it seems.

KH said that he has been awakened by Isaac's alarm going off in the middle of the night and this has happened several times already. Each time he goes over, the boys are still in deep sleep and the alarm is screaming - and it is always at 2am sharp. Without fail.

The night before, he told me, he had seen Isaac set the alarm for 6am. Despite that, he was still awakened by the alarm going off - again, at 2am. A look at the clock confirmed the alarm setting - 2am. So the hairs on the back of his neck were decidedly standing.

I was sort of sceptical when he told me. But that very night, I was awakened by Isaac's alarm going off. KH was snoring in dreamland. I padded over to the boys' room and climbed up to Isaac's loft bed. Two things struck me immediately. First, the alarm was set at 1am. Second, the boy was not in bed.

I checked Owain - sound asleep. I checked the girls' room - sound asleep. I checked my room - nada. It was pitch dark down below in the living room. By this time, I was thoroughly alarmed and afraid. I woke KH up urgently and he did the same quick checks. We switched on all the lights. I called Isaac's name loudly.

Then suddenly came a voice:"Mom?" and he emerged from the darkness.

The following conversation took a slightly bizarre turn. He seemed hesitant and dazed. And to confess it, all sorts of wild thoughts ran through my mind. I checked him if he had a temperature, wondered if he was sleep-walking or yes (a bit goondu of me!), if he was possessed!

It was pitch dark below and I know Isaac has always been terrified of the dark. He would not even go upstairs if no one were there. He always had to coax his younger brother or sister to come with him. So for him to be downstairs, in the middle of the night, in pitch darkness, gosh, I was flummoxed!

We asked him why he was there but his answers were vague. He mumbled something about "going downstairs to look for the book", referring to his library book which had gone missing.

"At 1am in the middle of the night???" I went, disbelieving. "Why on earth? You don't have school tomorrow, you could have searched then."

"I thought I would have more time."

"What was so urgent about the book?"

"Well, the library lists are in there. Without the lists, we won't know when to return our books."

"But you know that we could go to the internet to check right? We've done this before."

"Ya..."

"And how could you look for anything in the darkness too? Why didn't you switch on the lights?"

"My eyes adjusted to the dark after a while."

I stress: this from a boy who is scared of his own shadow! I found it hard to believe that he would be awake at 1am, searching for a book in pitch darkness alone. But nonetheless, it was late, so I sent him back to bed, said a quick prayer for him (in case he was possessed - haha! His behaviour was certainly very unlike him, and weird enough!).

KH and I went back to bed. But we both could not sleep, so full of questions about the strangeness of the incident. After a while, KH jumped out of bed and went back to Isaac's room. He opened the door to find him sitting upright in bed, staring into the darkness outside his window.

"Why are you sitting up? Why aren't you sleeping?" the daddy asked.

"I don't know."

"What are you looking at?"

"Just the scenery." Huh? What scenery? Its absolutely dark outside - nothing to see!

I don't know why, but something made me go downstairs to have a look. I was feeling rather grim, I have to say. Once downstairs, I made my way to the side door and the study - this was the section where the strange apparition has been known to show up once in a while.

I realised there was a bluish light coming from the study room, not from any lamp or overhead light. The door was ajar, the curtain drawn. All very unusual to me. At that split moment, my hair really stood. But when I got nearer, I realised what it was - the light was coming from the computer screen.

Ah. So desu ne.

I knew immediately what was going on. I checked the PC - Yahoo was on. I checked my history - nothing. Either he was smart and quick enough to delete the history, or he simply didn't have enough time to really do what he wanted to do. I think it was the latter because he didn't bargain on me waking from his alarm clock as well, checking on him and setting off the whole chain of events.

I turned the PC off and went upstairs. This time, I was not so cordial. It was right in the midst of the PSLE and our friend was taking forbidden computer privileges in the dead of night. But I didn't come down too hard on him. Just pinned him to the truth - which he reluctantly admitted. I left the detailed interrogation to the morning. Just told him to go back to bed and never do this again.

The next day, I asked Lolita if she had ever heard anything since the wall between her room and the study was very thin. She told me that she hears the sound of the study room chair creaking and moving usually between 1am to 5am. But hey, when you hear things creaking in the middle of the night in a supposedly empty room, no sane person would check it out of course! And, she added, Isaac was increasingly harder to wake every morning. In the past, he would wake whenever the alarm went off in the morning. But these past few days, she has had to physically shake him awake.

I pieced it together and confronted him. He reluctantly came clean. I was not ballistic, just matter-of-fact. He needed good rest and it was PSLE time, so it was really very stupid of him to carry out such stunts at this time. I got an agreement from him not to repeat it. To drive the point home, I casually pointed out that we DO still have an unknown apparition wandering around the outside of our house and that study window is the exact same one where she has been spotted peering through. So sneaking down in pitch darkness in the middle of the night to that part of the house is definitely not a smart thing to do. He paled a bit, swallowed and said he would not do it again.

So the mystery of the ringing alarm clock at 2am is finally solved. Not a case of the spooks - just a rat sneaking around in the dead of night!